Gordon Ramsey: screaming. Guy Fieri: tips, frosted. Cutthroat Kitchen: chopped. Worst Cooks in America: us. Welcome back to our infamously-horrible cooking review page! For this segment, we embarked on a quest into the Holidays. As the Christmas season begins, the merriest and brightest time of year commences. This year, in honor of the marvelous festivities associated with this holiday, your neighborhood chefs decided to make some of their own delicacies. Although Chef Boyardee would be less than impressed, we think you, the citizens of Milford, will not be disappointed by our buffoonery, and we have therefore decided to share it with you.

Our adventure with this task began with our most highly ranked item: reindeer chow. This treat was our easiest to make. The concoction consisted of Rice Chex cereal, Ghirardelli chocolate chips (melted), peanut butter (melted), cocoa powder, powdered sugar, Reese’s peanut butter bells, Christmas M&Ms, and Hershey’s white chocolate covered pretzels. The Rice Chex were covered in a chocolate-peanut butter mixture and then tossed in cocoa powder and powdered sugar in a method similar to that of Wreck-It Ralph’s, during the construction of Vanellope Von Schweetz’s delectably-sweet yet atrocious car; as messy and unenticing-looking as it was, we loved our personalized slapdash of a dish. After the Chex were thoroughly coated, they were combined with the other ingredients to create a holiday spin on a well-known treat, puppy chow. In comparison to everything else we made, this item turned out to be the best, which contributed to our overall average score of 9.82/10. However, one major mistake occurred on Chef Riley’s behalf: after cutting the recipe’s call for six cups of Rice Chex in half, all other ingredients were left at their original values, doubling the necessary sugar intake of the taster. This led to the texture being on the thick, chalkier side, but it did not take away from the overall experience of the mix. We highly recommend attempting this Pin.

Cookies: the iconic holiday dessert, recognized in a variety of flavors and forms by all holiday-lovers. This was our next favorite, as it took a unique approach to traditional sugar cookies. The recipe we chose included regular sugar cookies (made from scratch), red and green granulated sugar, and Hershey’s Candy Cane Kisses. According to Riley, “The colored sugar adds a sweet, savory crunch to an already memory-inducing treat of the Christmas season.” On the contrary, though she also enjoyed them overall, Sam recognized the error made in the process of baking a seemingly-simple treat: “They taste as if you took a boxed sugar cookie and stuck a Hershey’s Kiss on it after it was slightly cool, like you didn’t know what was happening.” We did not truly follow the recipe, as we do not possess the patience or willpower to make cookies from scratch. Nonetheless, they were delicious, and received 6.64/10, reduced a bit because Riley does not traditionally enjoy peppermint-flavored items.

Now we start to venture into the less than stellar Pins, beginning with the sugar cookie truffles. These were made from cream cheese and crushed sugar cookies, dipped in melted chocolate wafers, topped with red and green sprinkles. Though they may sound enticing, the texture was deplorable. In the words of Sam, “Have you ever put mashed potatoes in a blender and left them until they liquefied? Well, if you take your liquefied potatoes and mix them with the whipped cream that comes on the side with Cheesecake Factory cheesecake after it has been left in a car in August in Kansas for four hours, you’re half-way to the texture of these monstrosities. Now, you need to add the texture of a mini Hershey’s bar that you received from your three-doors-down neighbor who hates you and found it in the back of their coat closet. Lastly, add some 2000’s style lip gloss, and you’ve got the texture of these truffles.” Riley added, “The experience was horrible.” In terms of taste, Sam described them as “subpar.” She elaborated, “Have you ever taken a large scoop of melted cream cheese, and bitten into it? Well, let me tell you–it’s not good.” Together, we rated this Pin as an overall 0.19/10, due to both their consistency and similarity to the “Cotton Sea scent” in terms of flavor from Bath & Body Works.

Lastly, we must analyze the “Grinch fudge” that Pinterest promised would provide childish entertainment, as it was supposed to be a tasty, easy treat for all ages. It would be an understatement to say that this did not happen. Instead, we created a mixture of Play-doh, Oobleck, and the legend of everyone’s childhood, Silly Putty. This attempt at an innocent take on normal fudge included white chocolate, sweetened condensed milk, green food coloring, and heart-shaped sprinkles. “My tongue did, in fact, cease to exist after the first particle of this ‘fudge’ had the audacity to come near it,” Sam said. “Instead of enjoying a chocolatey-delicious masterpiece, I tasted old, curdled milk, and wondered if Barry B. Bensen would sue the ‘fudge’ industry on my behalf.” Riley agreed with Sam’s harsh criticism: “The sprinkles on top were a mild attempt to fix what can’t be salvaged. Just looking at it made me understand why the Grinch was so cold-hearted. ”All of that is to say that we gave it a 0/10, as it had no value whatsoever.

On this adventure, Pinterest taught us that looks are deceiving, especially with holiday treats. We chose some Pins based on their pictures and overall appeal to our senses; it didn’t work, and we failed miserably at the majority of our trials to make this season holly, jolly, and bright with sugary foods. Regardless, we believe that people with more experience in the kitchen could bake delectable desserts that surpass ours in quality and enjoyment value. We encourage you to browse through Pinterest and try these recipes for yourself, because although we may be The Chefs, our opinions are simply light-hearted remarks on our inability to cook anything of substance.